Prayer

To my friends of prayer:

No one is more appreciative of the prayers you have lifted up on our behalf than I am.

The last week or so  has been really rough with many changes. I had been entertaining the return to ministry on some level. We had begun to sow anew and afresh financially. And then all types of things began to happen. One of my dear friends suggested we were going through the purifying fires of God. I don't know about the rest of you but I feel that has been the last 15 years of my life. This is a very painful letter and very open about some not so good things.

And so two things have emerged. I feel like I have given my all to God. And I watch others who disregard the love of God, give no mercy, get angry at people and even swear(That is a biggie to me.) at people calling themselves Christians. Oh, I know those things are under the blood, but it gets under my skin revealing a deeper problem in my life...jealousy. In the last few weeks I have prayed for situations in others a, watching them get better with miracle responses(Not just from my prayers, I assure you.) as mine get worse on so many levels.

Just yesterday, after the whole well thing, nonpaying friend, septic, etc. I drove home and when i went to leave the car would not move. Investigation revealed a broken coil spring laying on the tire. Further investigation revealed this would be a pretty hefty repair, not in the budget. And the Lord shared some response with me as to it's meaning, but that is all in thought and prayer right now.

I need 3 things today(Hopefully there will not be more!).

I am battling jealousy. I know that my thoughts are along the lines of the elder brother. I would never say it or act it, but it is real to me. I was always the prodigal in so many things, just wanting to be in Daddy's house. Just hearing it last night after reading these scriptures all week nailed it. It is a place I hate that it is there in my heart. It is a place that is about self and not about god.

Discernment-I need to make many decisions in the next few days, some that many will not approve of. Others for my health and my emotional state. I can give people words that change their lives(That was one of the good things this week-letters and calls telling me how my words had come to pass.) but I can not seem to see for myself. Guess that is what the body is about.

Finances-I hate this, as well. Last year I lost everything. It seems like the ball is rolling again. With the car, it is not a good thing. The things i want to do are not happening.

I used to think I was called to the ministry. (I know it-it just seems unattainable these days.) For 6 months I have done little or nothing with few ill effects. As the Lord changed situations and people I thought maybe there is one more time in the body. And all hell broke loose. The last 6 months have beat my body pretty badly. My fingers do not respond well, I have sleepless, painful nights often, my knees are damaged badly. I thought physical would take care of things. I am not one to go around and complain about pain, but I am even considering taking pain meds to stop the pain and that is not my style.

Ont the other hand I have so many areas of joy, I feel like a jerk asking for prayer.

Last night we were asked to ask the Lord what He liked about us. I felt Him say  my creativity and my love for worship. Neither is jelling these days. And we were then asked to ask Him what gifts we were not using that he had given us. I heard writing. Not doing that either.

This letter goes to a small group of friends who have said they would pray. If you have any words, good or bad, I am open.

Blessings,
lee

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Lee & Tina Johndrow
Pillars Of Clouds & Fire Ministries
88 WCFR Drive
Springfield, VT 05156
802-885-2885

http://www.pocafministries.org

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Catching up...

Dear Brothers & Sisters:

Many have inquired as to "where has Lee has gone?" So this letter
will probably be long. There is some prophetic, some news and some
prayer requests.

A few weeks ago a decision to leave the situation I was in began to
percolate. Seems like you can not have 2 visions in the same place.
In January I began to bite the bullet and I was content to work away
the rest of my life and just forget abut all the things related to
the ministry and such. I never turned my heart on the Lord, just felt
all the "prophetic words" were for someone else, so to speak. Through
a series of events that working relationship ended. It still owes me
a great deal of money, and cost me physically, emotionally and at
this point financially, but it is over. Hopefully the other person is
going to do the responsible thing with me. And I am in the midst of
trying to figure God's next step. Seems like God has different plans
than what I think.

I feel as I have stepped out of a black hole. Not one of depression
but of being uninvolved. It has been one year since I closed the
church doors on Main Street. As I review the reasons for closing, I
see that I operated and responded out of pain and fear that I did not
recognize last year. But as I always say , "it is what it is." As I
spent my first hour on Main Street in over a year, I realized how
much of a cocoon it had been.

One of the dilemmas is I love being in business, letting creativity
flow and the like.

Over the last few weeks my son Matt returned from Europe and is
living here while he straightens some things out and goes on to the
next step. Cass is still living with us as she determines fall plans
for college having finished up some classes at CCV. I was able to get
Tyler a job working with some friends and I believe he is doing well
there. Alyssa is working on taking care of her two children and
getting things worked out with school and work. Amy is still in CT
and has a great job working in human relations.

Tina returned from Idaho after spending a week out there with her
dad, flying out there with her sister. They went to Yellowstone ,
Montana and Wyoming. Father's Day -I heard from all of my children in
one form or fashion. Amy and I rode to Lake George on the motorcycle,
had a lakeside lunch and got some sunburn. What a great day! 250 mile
to join some new friends for dinner as his children did not make it
up for the holiday.

The last few weeks have been flooded with dreams and visions. Many
are coming to pass with in days, even hours. Yesterday I spent time
with a young couple who have gone through the mill. They are trying
to figure out spirituality in their life on many levels,
investigating Buddhist and Muslim teachings as well as trying to see
the fit of Jesus. The irony was they had called me, after I had a
dream about them. They are a very successful couple on financial
levels, taking on a a major project. They talk to spirits within the
home. As they walked me through their place and their lives, I am not
sure how this all plays out, but God continues to put people "on the
path" in my path.

I have wondered how I would deal with these friends I find. (Like
where do I send them?)But the last few weeks has brought some
interesting things to pass. I received a call one day from a man who
said the Lord had been telling him to call me for 6 months or so. My
name kept "popping" up. Finally he called and we began to get
together. Times of prayer and hanging out. he and his wife are the
gift of pastor and hospitality. Wow! In Springfield, no less. So, we
have begun to pray. I want to just have a place to send the broken,
in need of repair and discipling. (And to clarify-I have no pastoral
gifting. I just love people. But the day to day efforts of dealing
with that is more than I handle well. I am content to walk the
streets and talk to people and help them choose a path. ) So, we will
see how this plays out.

Some interesting things...
Last week while Tina was away. I came home to find that the water was
not working. I called a company I had used in the past. They showed
up, spent 15 minutes and handed me a bill for $96 saying the well was
going to need a new pump. Cost-$2000. After the last year this was a
stretch. I asked people for prayer and spent the weekend in the
showers of friends. On Monday the company called to tell me they were
ordering the pump, so that I could prepare to pay for it. I agreed to
it, but even as i agreed to it, I felt like God had another answer.
One of the weird things over the years has been the number of words
we have received regarding digging new wells and uncovering the old.
Well-now it was staring me in the face. No water-no life. God,
couldn't I just hand the keys to Springfield back? I had a very
stressful weekend. You forget how many times you use water in a day..
So, I prayed and prayed. And the Lord gave me the word Vita, Latin
for life. Great...I en the phone book and there are the Latin words
under plumber. I call the number. "Sure Lee-I can be there in 15
minutes." He arrived there and asked me for the area where the switch
was . A few minutes later the lies of the first plumber are uncovered
and the switch is found, hit by lighting and exploded out of it's
case. 1/2 hour later the water is running. I deal with the lies of
the first company and am happy there is water. I sense the Lord
telling me that it is His people with the waters of life coming out
of them that bring change in the world. Without water people die, And
I feel the hand of the Lord pressing down.

Last week I went to lunch with a friend. I rode my bike. After lunch
I go out to find my cycle close to the ground as it's 900 plus pounds
pushed the kickstand through the pavement. Again I sense the Lord
showing me something. Weight plus heat providing breakthrough. If we
allowed the proximity of the Lord to bring His weightiness to a
situation, we would see the heating up of His all consuming fire
providing for breakthrough.

A few weeks ago I began to feel a sense of something major happening
in New England and it brought me to my knees beside my bed. It was a
devastating circumstance that released champions and many who had
succeeded in the comforts of their work and ministries fell by the
wayside. In this dream I began to see buildings toppling an lives
lost. I have prayed for weeks about this. The people side of me
wants to believe it is "spiritual" in nature and not something real
and yet I can not shake the feelings surrounding this. As I have
prayed if it is only spiritual the church in many respects is about
to be turned upside down in our understanding. If it is natural,
preparations of heart must come. We must do things differently. As
Dr. Phil would say, "you have done these things for a while, how's it
working?"

While the world changes we must not just be relevant, but revelatory.
It is revelation and not knowledge that pries people out of
circumstances that pull them down. I run into person after person who
just needs a shoulder to cry on.

I lost my dad and mom a few years ago. I never cried. Now a dear
friend of mine suffered a stroke. (right after he heard he was
returning to his church.) I cried. I feel the weight of the Lord and
His allowing of the fires of affliction to change us. It is
brokenness that attracts the Lord. Pride needs nor knows the Lord.
Broken people attract His mercy and His grace. Over the years I have
known two men until my friend's stroke that had similar situations
and during their health trial, the Lord changed their ministry. There
is something to learn from brokenness. I would rather learn it by
observation and humbling myself than trial by fire(Or loss of water.)

As we come into this summer season, I sense some extraordinary things
to happen. And I think they will occur outside the realm of the
church. Let's watch together.

Blessings,
lee