Prayer

To my friends of prayer:

No one is more appreciative of the prayers you have lifted up on our behalf than I am.

The last week or so  has been really rough with many changes. I had been entertaining the return to ministry on some level. We had begun to sow anew and afresh financially. And then all types of things began to happen. One of my dear friends suggested we were going through the purifying fires of God. I don't know about the rest of you but I feel that has been the last 15 years of my life. This is a very painful letter and very open about some not so good things.

And so two things have emerged. I feel like I have given my all to God. And I watch others who disregard the love of God, give no mercy, get angry at people and even swear(That is a biggie to me.) at people calling themselves Christians. Oh, I know those things are under the blood, but it gets under my skin revealing a deeper problem in my life...jealousy. In the last few weeks I have prayed for situations in others a, watching them get better with miracle responses(Not just from my prayers, I assure you.) as mine get worse on so many levels.

Just yesterday, after the whole well thing, nonpaying friend, septic, etc. I drove home and when i went to leave the car would not move. Investigation revealed a broken coil spring laying on the tire. Further investigation revealed this would be a pretty hefty repair, not in the budget. And the Lord shared some response with me as to it's meaning, but that is all in thought and prayer right now.

I need 3 things today(Hopefully there will not be more!).

I am battling jealousy. I know that my thoughts are along the lines of the elder brother. I would never say it or act it, but it is real to me. I was always the prodigal in so many things, just wanting to be in Daddy's house. Just hearing it last night after reading these scriptures all week nailed it. It is a place I hate that it is there in my heart. It is a place that is about self and not about god.

Discernment-I need to make many decisions in the next few days, some that many will not approve of. Others for my health and my emotional state. I can give people words that change their lives(That was one of the good things this week-letters and calls telling me how my words had come to pass.) but I can not seem to see for myself. Guess that is what the body is about.

Finances-I hate this, as well. Last year I lost everything. It seems like the ball is rolling again. With the car, it is not a good thing. The things i want to do are not happening.

I used to think I was called to the ministry. (I know it-it just seems unattainable these days.) For 6 months I have done little or nothing with few ill effects. As the Lord changed situations and people I thought maybe there is one more time in the body. And all hell broke loose. The last 6 months have beat my body pretty badly. My fingers do not respond well, I have sleepless, painful nights often, my knees are damaged badly. I thought physical would take care of things. I am not one to go around and complain about pain, but I am even considering taking pain meds to stop the pain and that is not my style.

Ont the other hand I have so many areas of joy, I feel like a jerk asking for prayer.

Last night we were asked to ask the Lord what He liked about us. I felt Him say  my creativity and my love for worship. Neither is jelling these days. And we were then asked to ask Him what gifts we were not using that he had given us. I heard writing. Not doing that either.

This letter goes to a small group of friends who have said they would pray. If you have any words, good or bad, I am open.

Blessings,
lee

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Lee & Tina Johndrow
Pillars Of Clouds & Fire Ministries
88 WCFR Drive
Springfield, VT 05156
802-885-2885

http://www.pocafministries.org

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